a gal's reflection on her past..
in the past..in primary 5..her cme teacher asked the class to write down how mani kids they wan to have in the future..the silly her actualli wrote down 5..the largest no. of children she wans to have in the whole class..when he frenz asked her y she wan to bear so mani..she replied coz tat way there will be much more family warmth..the kids wun feel lonely..but actualli..shes shy to say tat itz a kinda family bliss to her..
in the past..she wld lay on the bed after waking up..looking at the clouds..imagining tat the clouds r some characters in fairy tales..u know..the story she loved most is not cinderella..not snow white n the seven dwarf..but the little mermaid..perhaps itz a different version....the little mermaid tells of a mermaid who is the daughter of the Sea King in the sea..n one day..when she turned fifteen n could rise to the surface of the water as stated by the rules in the sea..she saw a prince..a charming prince in the ship..he was having party..it was love at first sight for her..she had fallen in love with the prince..then..suddenly..one nite..there was a heavy storm..the ship..however strong it is.. could not withstand it..n the ship capsized..the prince was left in the sea..drifting along with the current..unconscious..the kind little mermaid saved him up the shore..then the next day..the prince woke up..the little mermaid..was looking at him from behind..she couldnt appear in front of him..for the tail she had as a mermaid mite scare him away..the little mermaid went to the witch in the sea..she wanted to appear as human form in front of the prince..hoping tat the prince would then be able to fall in love with her..the witch agreed..but with a condition tat she would exchange her beautiful voice for her legs..which would mean tat losing her tail..she could no longer be a mermaid..she will be separated from her family..n tat if she could not get the prince's love n be the one whom he is to be married to..she would have to die..she agreed..though all her other sisters couldnt understand y she did so..then..she appeared in front of the prince..they spent several days happily together..those days were the happiest moments in her entire life..she had wanted so much to tell him tat she was the one who saved him up to the shore..but she couldnt..she lost her voice..one day..the prince heard of a princess tat saved her..n tat it was his parents' wishes for him to visit her..the prince himself..too..wanted to go n have a look for himself..the mermaid agreed to let him go..then..after so mani million years to her..he had finalli returned..but..he had brought along an announcement too..tat he would have to marry the princess..becoz she saved his life..the little mermaid was so depressed..but yet..helpless..she remembered the witch warning..tat if she couldnt get the prince's love..she would have to return to the sea as foam..n die..her sisters tried to help her..they gave her a sharp knife..tat she would have to stab the knife into his heart on the nite whereby it was their wedding day..in return for her life..tat nite..the mermaid went to his room..she saw him on the bed..along with the princess sleeping soundly..as she wanted to raise the knife to stab it into his heart..she realised she could not do it..n the next day..foams formed in the sea..she died..
this was her favourite story..n for the first time in her life..she felt so touched by the story..she didnt cry..realli didnt..but up till this date..she still remembered the last picture in the book..foams..bubbles in the sea
in the past..she had yearned to live in a bustling city when she grow up..with technology so modern..materialistic u can say wad she was at tat point of time..she tot tat with those kinda lifestyle..she could then live happily..
in the past..she yearned for independence..to be able to handle things alone..to become a strong career women..
be it lawyer or doctor..she had nv wanted to be a housewife..taking care of 5 children..her parents couldnt give her much freedom..for they said tat she was too trusting..she trusted ppl arnd her too much tat she didnt know tat there r some who r bad ppl as they say..
in the past..the country she had wanted to go most is america..becoz of disneyland..hahaz..sounds like a kid..but for mani mani mani times..she had pestered her dad to take her to america..her mom refused to go..coz she was afraid of the long hours tat had to be spent on the plane..n so..she couldnt go too..becoz tat time she was still a kid..n had to share passport with her mom..so meaning to say..where ever she goes..her mom has to be with her..
tat was in the past..she had tot tat things in the world..r so simple..
now..she had grown up..she didnt wan to have 5 children..firstly..coz she is afraid of the pain..but also..she had understood more things..having a kid is not easy..money n responsibility is needed..things had seemed to become more complicated..itz not tat she dun wan to take up the responsibility..itz tat shes afraid there will not be enough money to support the children..she didnt wan them to live in hardship with her..
now..her favourite story still didnt change..but the kinda lifestyle she was looking forward to had changed..she didnt wan to be complicated..coz she realised n tot tat the world is simply too complicated..she onli wanted to remain simple n ordinary..she didnt wan to live in a bustling city anymore..her definition of happiness now..is not tat onli living in a bustling city could bring happiness..but juz with her frenz..her loved ones arnd..even in a countryside..where lifestyle is so simple..tat could then bring out the true happiness..she had understood smth..money could not buy everything..
now..it juz isnt tat she didnt wan to be independent..she does..but with the support of her frenz n loved ones..she didnt wan to be a strong career woman le..coz she thinks tat being a career woman mite lead to neglection to her children..money is not the entire happiness..when she had earned enough money to raise the children..she will wan to settle down as a housewife..seeing her kids grow up..is also a form of happiness to her..:)
now..the country she wan to go most is paris..even if it means tat she has to go there alone..even if she means tat she had to live in one small corner of paris..coz..in a way..she thinks tat paris is the place filled with romance..n love..even if shes alone..she can also feel the love surrounded by her..
she nv wanted to have the feeling of being alone..but she didnt like the crowds..coz in crowds..she will get headache..n though shes in crowds..she felt so alone..so empty..n she feels like theres someone out there in the crowds who is also feeling the same way as she does..
maybe in the past..as a kid..she had already understood tat wad u sow is not wad u get..but she still stubbonly believes tat if u realli realli realli realli try hard enough..with determination..someday god will juz see it n let u have wad u wan..n tats the reason y she nv gives up easily..she cant..realli cant..in a way or another..to her..she will be thinking wad is itz the last n onli obstacle left..n tat god wans her to go thru all these before she can have wad she wans..yes..she love fairytales with happie endings..but yet those werent her favourite tales..as she grew up..she began to understand herself better..the greatest love of all..to her..is not having to live happily together always with her loved ones..yes..she hopes for tat to happen..but wad she feels is the greatest love of all..is the love tat would make someone sacrifice something becoz of another person..yea..tats the reason behind y her favourite story is the little mermaid..n her favourite movies r coyote ugly,moulin rouge,turn left turn rite and windstruck..coz everyone of them..sacrificed smth for their loved ones..be it little things or major ones..:)..
she nv thinks tat wad she has done..has to be known..tats y certain things she do..when itz for a good cause..n ppl misunderstood it as a bad one..she didnt correct them..shes afraid of saying out her true feelings sometimes..juz like in primary 5 wad she told her classmates is actualli different from wad she actualli thinks..dun ask her y shes afraid..coz she doesnt realli know..she thinks tat being afraid of smth doesnt need a reason..juz like loving smth doesnt need a reason too..u may say shes timid..shes afraid of being alone..loneliness..she cant seem to have faith building up in herself n yet she can have faith in others..shes afraid tat there will be this someone..or some ppl who knows her so well tat without her saying out..they actualli know wad shes thinking n feeling..she doesnt know how to express herself well..shes not a person who can express her true feelings face to face..shes not gd with words..she cries very easily..she is also touched very easily..shes very emotional..she loves burying herself in some bk..some movie..some tv show..some song..n make her feel tat there is still love existing in this world..she hates it when ppl lie to her n make her feel tat shes the onli one on earth who dunno wads happpening..she believes tat with happiness..sadness..imperfection..selfishness..will tag along..god is fair..as they always say..she also believes tat heaven exists..angels too..sometimes she will juz imagine tat she also has a fairy god mother n angels with her..though shes a free thinker..dunno if there is ever a god existing..she gradually understands wad it means when they say 'a gal can forgive but nv forget..a guy can forget but nv forgive..'she thinks a lot on mani simple stuff..but trying not to think about sad stuff tat will eventually make herself very miserable in the end..she is like every other gal..xi huan mei hao de dong xi..xi huan bei ren zhen xi..teng ai de gan jue..chocs..sweets..flowers..soft toys..cute n nice stuff..sunrise..sunsets..starts..nite views..promises..but to her..if promises were meant to be broken..then she dun wan any to be ever made to her again..
she grew up le..still growing up..perhaps some things have changed..some perspectives..some tots of hers..but she wans to be who she is..who she realli is..she juz a gal..juz a snow_liker..:)
